Oh boy Madame Web is a stinker!

Can I give a film a zero rating? 0/5

The latest offering from Sony pictures "In association with Marvel" is Madame Web, a poorly made trainwreck of a movie.

It stars Dakota Johnson as the titular Cassie "Madame" Web who is charged to protect the future spider women of Julia Carpenter (Sydney Sweeny), Anya Corazon (Isabela Merced) and Mattie Franklin (Celeste O’Connor). Cassie is a paramedic working alongside Ben Parker (Adam Scott) yes Peter’s uncle Ben and is probably the best part in this movie. Emma Roberts also shows up as Mary Parker (Spider-Man’s mother) who is wasted in this movie.

Cassie Web (Dakota Johnson),Julia Carpenter (Sydney Sweeny), Anya Corazon (Isabela Merced) and Mattie Franklin (Celeste O’Connor). Credit Sony/Columbia Pictures

The theme of this movie is wasted talent because it just seems that they had some pretty good people on camera but not very behind it. This movie has been compared to ‘Final Destination’ meets Spider-Man which is a pretty accurate description of the movie.

Where this film falls is a poor script, to much clunky dialogue and a lead actor that if you told me they used AI to create a digital Dakota Johnson, I’d have believed you. Johnson is not great in this movie, but to be fair she must have known this was going to be a dud.

I haven’t even bought up the ADR (automated dialogue replacement) which is used for the films villain Ezekiel (Tahar Rahim), which is horribly dubbed over the film, in what I can only compare to watching a foreign language movie or show on Netflix.

There is so much potential in the cast here, would I want to see Adam Scott back absolutely, same for the three spider women, although not in these roles. In fact, Isabela Merced will get her chance as Hawkgirl in the new Superman movie being produced by James Gunn and I have high hopes for her in that role.

Oh and if you were looking forward to seeing the spider-women in action well you're in for a heck of a ride, because all the action you see is already in the trailer for the movie. That's right if you want to see the spider-women then watch the trailer because they only suit up in dream sequences.

To summarise this movie because I’m not going to write about how bad it is for five pages which I could easily do. This movie not only makes Morbius look decent by comparison & was meme worthy, this movie however isn't. In fact it makes the Joel Schumacher Batman movies look Oscar worthy by comparison.

My advice, do not waste your time with this movie and I know Sony need to keep making Spider-Man adjacent movies for rights to be retained but please I would beg them, stop because you’ve pretty much killed all the good will that the Spider-verse animated films have given you. And finally, if you’re an actor and you see a script from Sony ‘In Association with Marvel’ throw that script in the bin, it’s not even worth the paper it’s printed on.